Top 9 Reasons To Read This List Instead Of Having a Meaningful Experience

    Guys, this list is awesome. Well, it doesn’t actually create awe, but it’s pretty cool. Well, really it isn’t that cool. But it’s something to do. And that’s important.

    See folks, the world has gotten pretty boring. Because everything’s been done. You don’t have to go see for yourself. Just trust me. There’s nothing left to do. And lists are the best way to do nothing, because:

1. In terms of the next five minutes, it’s the best Idea you have.

    Sure you may plan to go to a concert next week, but for right now, this is all you got.

2. You don’t have to talk to other people to read this.

    Hell you can even use it as an excuse NOT to. On the train, at work, or while having dinner with your family, reading this prevents you from having to face the world on its own terms. You live on your terms. You don’t even have to leave your bed to read this. Isn’t that nice? That’s the best.

3. It’s easy.

    Lists are organized and designed to both flow easily and compartmentalize information – both of which allow for minimal engagement and/or effort from you. Hell yes that sounds healthy.

4. Lists reward your brain with dopamine.

    That’s just science. And everyone likes rewards. Even your brain. Be quite now brain, have some dopamine. Good brain, good. 

5. Real journalism or written thought is played out.

    Seriously, have you googled ANYTHING lately? It’s ALL been written. Monkeys typing into eternity DID produce the entire works of Shakespeare – and also various articles on the truth about 9-11, why gluten is bad, and countless grammatically obscene diatribes about haters. Now, lists are all that matter, because there is nothing new to create or learn. Now we just need to streamline what’s already there.

6. Because YOLO, guys.

    What does that even mean, you ask? Who cares? It’s a word that rhymes with itself. That is incredible.

7. Real life is disappointing.

    When is the last time your mind was blown? Exactly. Probably not since childhood. Maybe never. If a list disappoints you, you can easily find another one, no big deal. Lists are like the real world without all the pretense of “possibilities.”

8. Other people like lists.

    Because lists are great, folks will share and retweet them on social media. If someone does this to your post, it’s pretty validating. Validation feels good. Validation is all that matters. Whisper it to yourself in the mirror: (whisper voice) “validation.” Didn’t that feel soothing? It did? Good. Keep reading the list. Shhhh. It’s ok.

9. Lists require no emotional investment.

    And isn’t that what the internet was invented for? Hmmm? Isn’t it? Think about it. Keep thinking about it… Never mind don’t think about it. Shhhh. Don’t think about anything. The list is over now. Shhhh. Don’t dwell. Everything is fine.

Leave a comment

Averagedrew © 2024. All Rights Reserved.